Nature's Symphony

Every time the thunderstorms come in the wind-chimes sing. I love them.

So I now have my symphony of singing frogs, cicadas and crickets, the rumble of thunder, wind stirring the trees and tap of heavy rain and then the chimmm donggg of the wind chimes as they dance to the symphony of sound. Sonoma Outdoors Palm Tree Wind Chime

While I am on the subject...

As we get older it is interesting to note the things you took fore granted in your earlier days.
I don't think I'm "old" but I am developing shining senior moments.
What?
My previous blurb was about a plumbing issue. But let me tell you what has changed since 2005. Forget the plunger what I get really thankful for is a good regular BM. Yup. I said it. POOP!!!
I am no doctor but wonder what happens when you pass your 20s and realize you do not have stomach of steel. Strange things begin to occur after cheese or alcohol consumption. Taco bell tacos somehow turn into ex-lax, that BBQ cheeseburger becomes a massive hunk of constipation, 20 minutes of chewing turns into a week of bloated gassy hot mess.
When the heck did I become so consumed about adequate fiber consumption, when did my stomach stop being flat and turn into a giant gas production plant after meals?
Yes, everybody poops, but what in the world happens when it goes from whatever to WTF!?!?
This is similar to when I caught myself being so excited over a new washer and dryer. Me? I'm not even domestic but to this day I get happy just looking at those high efficiency clothes cleaning marvels.
It will be interesting to see what moves from behind the scenes to center stage as the years go by. Now, it's poop. What's next?
I guess only time will tell and then I will tell you.
Good night and good poos!
Konsyl Natural Psyllium Fiber - 100 Capsules - Supplements
Naturade 58155 Softex Stool Softener

Shooting the SH*! For Real

Someone requested I retell this true story from 2005.  WARNING, profanity.

So I'm at home trying to relax and had to use the restroom, I had a nice neat number 2, flushed and down it...down it....down...SHIT...it didn't go down!

Being super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman say to myself. Self! This is a job for super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman hop in the trusty 2000 Dodge (which wasn't as trustworthy as initially planned and just got traded in for a wonder of German engineering complete with heated leather seats and walnut trim) and drove to my local hardware store.

Upon entering I made a beeline past all of the helpful hardware men and saw this fantastic futuristic top of the line looking plunger in PURPLE and best of all...it was ON SALE for $4.99. What a deal. Bargain plumbing 101 for super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman with a trusty dodge in a hardware store.

Returned from the hardware store with a feeling of accomplishment and excited to test the power strength and function of this new darn fangled super plunger!

I positioned the plunger, and with one smooth, sure, confident push proceeded to...send SHIT shooting out of the bowl in every direction...TWICE...and then...just then...the phone rang. And my shit covered bargain plumbing 101 for super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman with a trusty dodge in a hardware store ass was stupid enough to answer it.

Hello, is this Maya a sweet civilized voice spoke through the other end of the phone I said yes, yes it is, trying my best to disguise that I was two seconds away from blowing chunks from looking at a bathroom floor covered in shit from my malfunctioning new darn fangled super plunger. It was my God-Sister calling to say she was in Chicago for ONE NIGHT, just one night and wanted to know what there was to get into. Now the typically non shit covered bargain plumbing 101 for super homeowner self-sufficient i'm doin' my thang woman with a trusty dodge in a hardware store would've picked up on that hidden request of, come get me and show me around but unfortunately, how do you explain to someone you don't really know that you cannot come outside and play today because you took a shit and it wouldn't flush, and you somehow managed to turn the simple act of plunging into an absolute disaster and am now clutching to the phone trying to figure out how to deal with this...SHIT.

So, I did what any bargain plumbing 101 for super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman with a trusty dodge in a hardware store would do and...LIED...oh yeah...and it was a GOOD one too. Politely said, I'm just finishing up cooking dinner, there isn't much going on this evening, can I give you a call back later in the evening? (yes, you can start booing now) What was I supposed to do? Oh. I'm sorry, I'm busy shooting shit around my bathroom, I can't talk to you right now.

Anyway. I grabbed my receipt and threw the $4.99 special super plunger thingy into a bag and marched it right back into the place with the helpful hardware men (NO, i didn't bother to rinse it off, I wanted them to know how 'functional' the damn thing was), got the good ol' fashioned plunger that we all grew up seeing at our grandparents house...you know the hideous one with yellow handle and the black bottom with the fold out lip thing. (I assume that lip thing was for grandpa sized clogs).

So, finally, two trips and shit everywhere later I returned to the scene of the crime, carefully positioned old fashioned plunger, one push and SQUOOOOSSSHHH...it all went down. YEAH! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout SON! YEAH! Who's your DADDY! YEAH! Bargain plumbing 101 for super homeowner self-sufficient I'm doin' my thang woman with a trusty dodge in a hardware store strikes again, and the world is saved and safe from flying shit for another day.

The End.

The moral of this story is...is...is...It's ok to be cheap, it's ok to try new things, but it's not the most excellent idea to try new cheap things...like $4.99 new darn fangled super plungers. You get what you pay for...a good clean SQUOOOOSSSH or SHOOTING SHIT.

You choose your own adventure!

Praise IS what I do.

I NEVER thought I would be a Christian. I thought God had abandoned me and therefore didn't have a strong relationship through my teens and early 20s.
I did have a solid foundation growing up in a small town baptist church every Sunday with my grandma, grandpa, cousins and friends. It was that foundation and the help of members in the Bank One Choir in Atlanta who saved me from myself and held my hand as is struggled to make amends and reconnect with the God who saved me from certain death from a pulmonary embolism. It took fighting for each breath to wake me out of the stupor that I was in control. I was not. God was, and had been all my life, I was just too human to notice.

God placed doctors, the hospital, and people at the right times and all in the right places. The ER docs said I was 20 minutes away from death.
Through the prayers of others, friends, family and learning how to stand in faith and live a fulfilled life miracles have occurred for me and my husband throughout our lives and today for the FIRST time EVER, it was me praising God with my hands, my feet, and my voice letting go and giving God everything I had to the point of exhaustion just to say. Thank you.
Whether you believe in God, Dog, nothing. Take time, reminisce and thank who ever and whatever deserves it. Don't wait. You may not get a second chance. And back to the point. I never thought I'd be a Christian especially not a proud member of a good ol fashioned Pentecostal church family where the Holy Ghost will snatch you up and carry you into praise as it did to me today. Have a blessed Sunday. Love the ones your with and more importantly, forgive and love your enemies.

What You Need When you Need It

Frequently I find myself struggling to stand firm in faith but am unaware of how trying my struggle is until my body revolts, lack of faith leading to stress and stress leading to physical manifestations of lethargy and anti-social behavior.

The Lord works in mysterious ways and through hints and the placement of people, their words and circumstances strengthen my faith when it falters.

At church today I was surprised by the teaching of a Deacon and am sharing my notes with you:

God has moved us to a season where the opponents aren't falling as quickly as before, and we begin to get wary, and the enemy begins to trigger in our mind that He won't do what He promised He would do.

They that wait on the Lord in the midst of your waiting don't give up, don't give in. As He is renewing your spirit. I will bless you for every pain that you suffered.

Instead of complaining pay attention to where you are going. Do not lose control in the midst of your storm. Through the storm, I carry you through all of it.

Don't grow weary. Don't lose heart and keep your eyes on God.

AMEN!

The little gems and hints such as my notes from this Deacon's message on a day I really needed to receive the message are how I get through.

Thought I would share my survival tactics with the few of you who care to follow my rants, chats, and raves.

Thank you.

Relaxation in the Strangest Places

I had to do it. I had to get away. Far away from it ALL.

At Six Flags White Water.

I hate crowds, this decision makes NO SENSE.

Until I find my way to the lazy river snag a two-person float sprawl out and float aimlessly around and around in a giant circle entirely oblivious for teens, adults, children and whatever else floats along with me. I open my eyes and only look UP. The simulated river rocks my tube gently as I slowly drift past beautiful trees under bridges and a sunny sky with white fluffy clouds I can turn into elephants, martini glasses, and Theodore Roosevelt. As well as feeling completely inappropriate checking out the cute little lifeguards trying to be cool while working with their small aviator shades, bright red safety shades, and whistles. Can't forget the whistles.

After soaking for about an hour, it's time to hop on the one water slide without a line, and it is well worth the lack of wait. Fast, catch some air on some bumps and a gentle splashdown.

I avoid the evil food kiosks filled with sugar bombs, preservatives, fat and who knows what else.

Here I am. Relaxed, happy, carefree and thoroughly enjoying myself as the lifeguards practice saving each other in the wave pool I even get some live entertainment along with six flags radio playing top 40 age and genre neutral music throughout the park. I notice they play power ballads and other energizing types of songs. I am now curious about the science or marketing decisions behind the music selection. Will one song drive guests to the food courts, will another prompt them to a thrill ride? Maybe I am over thinking this, what's worse is I just began a sentence with maybe. I mentally slap my hand and while I'm at it wonder if I have used too many instances of I.

WHATEVAHHHHH!!!

Back to basking on this lounge chair like a lizard warming itself on a rock and blogging (this may become a new obsession, if I start uploading podcasts you know I may need a social media intervention).

Have a blessed day all. Signing out.

- The Lady in a not so itty bitty black and white polka dot Bikini (swim dress ).

All about Da Feet

I keep on reading about the majority of the medical community frowns upon bare feet, they believe you must have this support and that support and cushy mushy insole foot twerping reticulators.

CRAP!  ALL CRAP!

We were born with feet and feet were made to be walked on and because of all this mush and push insole and support our feet never learn or become strong enough to support us.  If you have flat feet, you need flat feet; if you have high arches, your body needs high arches, don't fight them.  Kick off those shoes and embrace them, if you don't want to mess up your pedicure, wander around in socks but I am a convert.

Rarely do I push a product but I have to say that after switching to Vibram Five Fingers I have had little to no lower back pain and zero knee pain from walking, especially doing heavy hill work.  I even ran in them quite comfortably until I had to quit running for other reasons.


Be kind to your feet and USE THEM.  I had a kickstand deployment malfunction and dropped my motorcycle on my left foot, even with boots on I suffered a high ankle sprain and a sprained foot, however, the doctor said that my ankle and foot muscles were so well developed they also saved me from an actual break.  Those ankle and foot muscles were strengthened from barefoot walking and running.  

I wear my heels to the office, but the second I am able it is back to natural free toes.

Try it; you might like it.

If you are interested, here is some great information for beginners: Barefoot Running for Beginners.  

Aging is AWESOME!

It has been a while, but I'm back.  Still working at my favorite new place of employment only three days a week but by the grace of God, the bills get paid.

So, I decided it was time to get healthier after gaining 30 pounds in 2008 quitting smoking and getting married which I have NOT been able to get off through diet and exercise I have begun the HCG diet.

So far not so bad except last night I wiped myself out by taking a sauna BEFORE I had dinner.  I will NEVER do that again.  Other than that, 500 calories per day are painless. Food choices are ample and comfortable to prepare as I steamed almost all of my food anyway.  I haven't killed my husband or tried to eat my coworkers.  All I need is to remove this 30 pounds which won't go away.  I don't need to look like I'm 21 anymore, I am 35 and enjoy a few of my hard earned curves, however, my weight was no longer healthy, my cholesterol was not at a healthy level, and my usually naturally low blood pressure had turned to 'normal' and occasionally elevated.  

I am only 5'4" and tipped the scales at 178 pounds at my heaviest.  I was a little worried about my current medications, but it turns out the HCG does not interact with any, and hopefully, the weight loss will get me off one or two of them.

I have begun doing yoga on Netflix and had already been walking on a daily basis.  After noticing a correlation (which the doctors never believed) between trips to the ER for GI distress and my exercise rituals, so I am starting from scratch.

I had been trained since fourth grade to ignore those subtle and not so subtle signals while pushing through the pain, so my head does not realize I am an average woman no longer an athlete, nor does it tell me when I push too hard.    Due to that fact, my internal organs were getting beat up by the intense strain of my workout activities, bursting, stretching, inflammation all leading to trips to the ER and in a few cases hospital stays. Now, I walk, not fast but sometimes far, walk, preferably barefoot or when required in my Vibram five fingers, the way God made us to, naturally.  On the treadmill, I read the bible and walk.  The NIV version reading plan is like a juicy novella to me.  I'm not super churchy, but I do have a lot of faith.

I decided to read the bible, ALL OF IT, to obtain my understanding and it is exciting stuff.  I wouldn't have expected me to be so fascinated by these things. And now to my point, if you got bored and were about to click to another blog. HERE IS THE POINT, THE IMPORTANT POINT, WHY YOU SHOULD CONTINUE READING RIGHT HERE. PLEASE!!!!

Age is a fantastic teacher.  We become humble, pray we don't become hardened, learn to choose and use our words as tools and weapons rather than the mouth diarrhea of our youth.  Love harder, hate less or at least hide it better.  And at a certain age begin learning how to accept the inevitable loss of older and sometimes younger friends and family. I will fight the aging process to stay healthy and enjoy a more productive aging process and hopefully more robust 'golden years' but the rest of IT (aging that is) I am joyfully leaning into for all it's worth.  This is what life is about,  living your life and becoming more and more yourself as you grow into yourself and age.  I used to be afraid of getting old and now that I am out of my 20s, slowly but surely I love this new version of me, smarter, better looking (in my mind), a better person, a caring person and definitely NOT who I thought I would grow up to be which in my case is a good thing. Love yourselves.  Love those who love you.  As my Father spoke these words of wisdom to me years ago, I now speak them to you.

"What does a tree do?  Grow.

What happens when a tree stops growing?  It dies.

What are trees?  Living things.

What are we?  Living things.

How do we grow?  Through learning.

What happens when we stop learning?  We begin to die.

So what are you going to do?  Never stop learning."

- Arthur Lorenzo Carnegie

Here he is having an intriguing conversation.

Talent, Passion, and the Creativity Maze

I wanted to share this insightful blog I read today. Perfect timing after my excellent unemployment adventure of 2012 it is my belief the fabulous organization which hired me did so due to my passion for the skill set I have, and they are nurturing and growing that passion. Because of that support I am growing as a professional exponentially and am thankful. Enjoy.

Talent, Passion, and the Creativity Maze - Teresa Amabile and Steve Kramer - HBS Faculty - Harvard Business Review

Another One Bites the Dust

I can check another item off of my Top 10 things to do while unemployed list.

Finish cataloging and copyrighting my music

FINALLY!!!  It wasn't even as hard or terrifying as I thought it would be.  Organized, uploaded, copywritten.  Finished paperwork for PRO organization.  Hello SESAC!!!

Today I filed the forms necessary to create my LLC for my publishing entity.  It feels SO good to complete this.

And my point to this entry is FEAR.  I had put off this item for approximately one and a half years because I was afraid to fail.  I was scared to begin because that meant I would finish and then I would be vulnerable and could fail.  I succumbed to irrational fear, and it held me from getting closer to my destiny.

This time I stood in faith and the fear was gone, I was able to go step by step, each time I completed a level, I gave thanks and took the next step, fearless as God's never-ending love supported me, empowered, emboldened and finally conquering the irrational fear, replacing it with a can-do attitude and willingness to step into the unknown.  

I am thankful for this learning experience and look forward as I continue to allow my steps to be placed, in order, on his time.  AMEN! 

Not saying NO

Since deciding my unexpected unemployment was more of a blessing in disguise than a personal tragedy, 90 days later I am not employed full time permanent; however, I am receiving work. I say receiving rather than finding as I am standing tall and firm in faith and know my higher power is guiding my steps and placing people, places, and things in proper order on his time, not mine and I have NOT been let down.

I received a two-week temp opportunity in the hospitality industry and had a wonderful time working with a diverse, intelligent and international-minded team.

Today as I enter this blog update I find myself over an hour and a half early for an interview for a six-month contract position working 24 hours a week doing what I enjoy. Designing PowerPoint presentations and incorporating my Graphic Design skills using all the bells and whistles the software has to offer, multimedia, animation, transitions (sorry Geek out moment).

It's odd; I am incredibly nervous the day before an interview but the day of fall into a zen-like calm. Focused, excited and empowered. I have prayed, I have ensured my appearance is professional, my personality seems to be an excellent fit for most hiring managers and my experience and skill set speak for themselves.

I never thought I would agree to part-time contract work; however, the opportunity was too excellent to pass up and to get back to my point.

I have NOT said NO to any opportunity, and that attitude and willingness to go outside my comfort zone or my industry is invigorating.

Yes, technically I am still unemployed, but the bills get paid one YES at a time.

Degree or no Degree, that is the question.

I was recently rejected as a candidate for a temp to perm assignment at a law firm due to the fact I did not have a degree.
I get it but wonder why anyone WITH a degree would choose to be an Executive Assistant. It is my completely politically incorrect opinion that the type of employee they are asking for would be an under achiever. Most individuals I know who hold degrees are in specific jobs and fields managing people, projects, and fantastic things, not applying for clerical work.
I understand many individuals with degrees are unable to find jobs within their chosen field. I call that bad planning. How many business administration, political science and journalism majors can the market carry? I am currently back in college studying Accounting as a sophomore I carry a 3.86 GPA through work and school. Yet again, not a degree. But they would accept a college graduate with an art history major and a 2.0 GPA, it's a degree isn't it?
All these years I have trained these degreed individuals and they have gone on in quick time to bigger and better things while I remained stuck in time and salary and now unemployed and losing opportunities even with over 10 years of success and experience but no degree. How many of these grads have Goldman Sachs or NYSE on their resumes? I do, but no degree. For the short term my feelings are hurt but in the long run someone somewhere will notice my spectacular skill set and realize I have far more to offer than a candidate with a piece of paper from an institute of higher education.

Progress Update

In my initial Adventures of the Newly Unemployed post I had created a list of things to do with the newly found free time unemployment brings and wanted to update this blog on my progress.  I have copied the original list below.  Comments or updates to the list will be in pink italics.

1. Go to a casting cattle call for local film productions just for the heck of it (who knows, they may pick me to stand in the background as an extra for a day or two). Well, I didn't GO to a casting cattle call, but I did send in a headshot in response to a local ad for a Tyler Perry casting call for extras.  So I can kind of check this one off the list.
2. Go to the gym in the middle of the day and exercise v e r y slowly.  I DID, I DID, and it was FABULOUS, saw NE YO at the gym too. I also put in 5 minutes in the tanning box, grabbed a smoothie and spent 20 minutes on the hydromassage table. 
3. Ride my motorcycle in a direction and don't stop until I get somewhere, then keep riding.  Headed EAST to St. Simons Island where I spent days walking the beach, exploring and losing track of time, then rode happily home.
4. Enter my dog in some dog shows and try to handle him myself.  Don't think this will happen anytime soon, I did manage to WALK the dog most days of the week, so I guess that's an improvement.
5. Finish cataloging and copyrighting my music.  I have only spent one day in my studio.
6. Actually REHEARSE.
1. Vocals I was singing my a$$ off into my helmet while riding the motorcycle to St. Simons Island and back
2. Guitar
3. Bass
4. Drums I banged around on them for a while
5. Clarinet busy collecting dust
7. Sit on the back deck and stare at the lake and write poetry I did enjoy watching the wildlife on and around the lake one day; I wrote absolutely nothing.  But I did an excellent job staring.
8. Paint something
9. Take advantage of the museum FREE DAYS in the middle of the week  I did an exhaustive search, and the museums and zoos no longer have midweek FREE days, they do have reduced price days.  So, I enjoyed the Atlanta Zoo using my student discount and The Georgia Aquarium for $6 off by going on a T/W/TH rather than the weekend.  The dolphin show I will be discussing as soon as I figure out an excellent way to say it in a later blog update.
10. Volunteer for something I did volunteer my skills on an as-needed basis to an acquaintance, so I guess that qualifies for 'volunteering.'

4 out of 10 isn't so bad, I think it's time for me to put more effort into completing my list.  Or maybe not. That is the problem with too much free time, it makes it hard to decide what to fill it with, if anything.

Personal Happy Hotspots

As i peek into a masters ballet class, watching participants ranging in age from raging hormonal teens to the geritol set, they go through the barre routine to a live pianist each one moving to the best of their ability with a visible internal focus which to an untrained watcher translates into personal happy hotspots.
I have seen these before in libraries and on the beach in the morning and yoga classes but until right now could not put the occurrence into words.
I bring this up to remind us all that it is possible to participate in a variety of activities by taking a moment to plug into these personal happy hotspots, shamelessly borrow some bandwidth and live even if only for a moment vicariously through their energy.
The music stopped as the master instructs his pupils. The energy dissipates briefly as the hotspots process the new information, and then with the next keystroke of the piano they return to life and I quietly and calmly assume my happy hotspot amongst theirs.

Muffin jacked by the seagull mafia!!!

So. I was walking on the beach with breakfast this morning and got muffin jacked by the seagull mafia.

One KAH!! And out of nowhere, I was ambushed!!! The ringleader, Jonathon Livingston Seagull, hovered right in front of my face pointy beak to my nose and demanded I hand over the muffin. I reluctantly handed over my breakfast, and the screeching mob let me go, with both eyes intact and bird bomb free clothing.

Forgive me, for I have spent

A financial planner somewhere will read this and be horrified.  Suze Orman The Money Book For The Young, Fabulous & Broke - Business, I'm sorry.  Clark Howard, forgive me for I have spent.

Exactly seven days into my unemployment I have been on a sanity restoring spend fest, concluding with heated clothes and gloves for my motorcycle and I, reservations at St. Simons Island's King and Prince Beach & Golf Resorts Tower Room with panoramic beach views a bottle of Merlot and fruit plate to greet me upon my arrival.  All things I would not be so easily persuaded to spend on while employed.

The experts state you should go on a self imposed austerity plan when faced with unemployment, I've decided to do that later and go on a self imposed restore my sanity plan.  Which for me requires road trips to no where and luxury accommodations, hey, I'm strengthening the economy, right?

It is easy to find advice on how to budget to survive a period of unemployment but it is not so easy to find advice on how to keep from plummeting into frustration and depression from being unemployed.  I am no expert but felt, it is just as important to maintain a healthy and positive mentality during this time of great change so when I am blessed with interview opportunities my demeanor will remain outgoing, welcoming and warm.  Those are emotions I am unable to fake, and are invaluable to success going into this new phase of my professional life.

This morning (not too early) I strategically packed my one bag and bungeed it to my beloved 2007 Harley Davidson FLSTSC (Springer)  who I have named Olive on a mission to return to St. Simons Island, a small oceanside town on the southern Georgia coast.  It has those oak trees with the moss hanging off of them like you see in the movies, the beaches are bare and the majority of the area is historic and very, very quiet.  I caught a bit of traffic exiting the atlanta area and my GPS took me on the strangest route to get here turning a 5 hour trip into a bit longer than 5 hour trip but I enjoyed every minute of it, only wish I was able to see the coastal views which were covered by darkness by the time I arrived about 10PM.  The heated clothing and gloves I had purchased worked like a charm and my ride was very comfortable.  Thank you First Gear for making a functional product at a fairly affordable price.

I'm here...now what.  I don't know.  I do know that while crossing the causeway onto St. Simons Island I was expecting to smell the sweet smell of ocean air and instead was blasted by an odor somewhere between dead feet and stinky garbage disposal.  I will be asking about that tomorrow.  Other than that.  Nothing.  Nothing planned but quality me time, whatever that may be.